West Ham Fans

In the light of cut-backs and injury problems suffered by new signings last season BG has issued the following edict: 1)All signings to have 12 medicals and to be looked after by a Nani and will be inoculated against catching the "Charlton Syndrome". 2)No new signing will be allowed any where near the Chadwell Heath training pitch and must not be tackled in training for the first 3 years. 3)All new signings to revert back to the pay structure pre-Eggy of a meagre £20k per week plus luncheon vouchers. 4)No flash Docklands apartments to live in as accommodation will be provided at the West Ham Quality Inn Hotel, Green St so they cannot get lost on home match days and can familiarize themselves with the pitch and local culture and when not playing act as corporate box hosts. 5)Company Cars will now be Kia's. 6)All purchases will be made on credit cards offering 0 % interest for the first 12 months and identity theft protection following an imposter posing as LBM during the last 18 months. 5)All purchases to be made in Marks & Spencer's so damaged players can be exchanged or refunded in full.